Confession: I Can’t Have Kids Anymore

Monday has come entirely way to fast this week! But that means I get to confess something to you. For those of you that have known me for a while, this isn’t a confession, but a re-telling of something you’ve lived through with me. For those of you who don’t know me, this should be interesting. At least I hope it is!

Before I had the kids, all my internal systems seemed to work just fine. Not always perfect, but no real problems to speak of. After I had the kids…all hell broke loose!

After my daughter was born, my problems started. I’m not going to give all the details, just know they are ‘girl problems’. they really sucked and after 6 months or so of suffering I went back to my doctor. We first tried sever different types of birth control to regulate my body. When that didn’t work, I went in to have a laparoscopy done to see what the problem was. During the procedure they discovered that my uterus and colon had fused together with scar tissue after giving birth. So that was fixed and things finally started looking up. Things went well for a while and then we decided to have a second child.

We had been really lucky with out daughter and got pregnant in the first month we tried. When we were ready for our second, again luck seemed to be on our side and in the first month of trying we were pregnant. Sadly the baby did not develop a heart and I had a miscarriage. It was a tough time for us but we eventually decided to try again for another child.

With our son, it took a couple months of trying before we were pregnant. (I know that’s not a long time, but to me it seems like forever after two really quick pregnancies.) Now let me tell you, I did not enjoy my pregnancies. I guess in wasn’t destined to be the woman who was glowing and happy. I was miserable both times. I wasn’t the cute pregnant woman who you could only tell was pregnant when she turned around. No. I gained weight. A lot of weight. All over! I spent almost the entire time throwing up multiple times a day with both kids. So after our son was born, we decided that two kids were our limit.

My husband graciously offered to get a vasectomy because, as he put it, I had already gone through so much to give him children that this was the least he could do for me. What an axing man! I sure lucked out with this one! the procedure went well and things seemed to be well for a couple of years. But then my problems came back and with a vengeance!

Again I’m not going to get into the gory details. But it was really, REALLY bad. Every month. (If you know what I’m getting at.) I dealt with the problems for a couple years before finally going back to the doctor when I couldn’t take it anymore.

My doctor was amazing. He went over all the options for someone with the problems I was having. We had already tried birth control without success. The next options were either an endometrial ablation or a hysterectomy. Before going in for this appointment I had done some research and I was fully ready and willing to go through with a hysterectomy. I mean who wouldn’t want to give up their monthly pain in the ovaries? Right?! But I had never heard of the ablation. My doctor explained the risks with both procedures and ultimately decided the hysterectomy was a greater risk since I already had scar tissue after my first pregnancy. So the decision was made to have the ablation since it didn’t require major surgery.

The procedure was quick and easy and I didn’t have too much pain after. The doctor had told me that there was a 10% chance that I would not get any better and a 5% chance that it would become worse. So in the first couple of months post procedure, when things still didn’t seem better, I knew that I was one of the unlucky few that the procedure didn’t work for. But in the 4th-6th months things slowly started getting better. It has now been over a year and I haven’t had any problems!

It’s amazing how much better my life has become. I no longer have to carry mass quantities of feminine products with me at all times, or plan my life around that week. The procedure gave me the freedom to enjoy my life!

The downside to the procedure is that I can no longer have children. I still produce eggs and they are still able to become fertilized, but getting pregnant would kill the child and probably me also. As the doctor explained it, the embryo would basically be attaching to a concrete wall since I have no lining. It would rupture and cause major internal chaos. But the husband and I had long before decided we were a two children family.

I occasionally have days where I feel sad and guilty for giving up my ability to have children. There are so many women out there who are unable to have children and would gladly take my problems just to be able to have a child of their own. But I remind myself that my choice has bettered my family for the long term.

So there you have it readers. Now you know why I can’t have children and why, for me, it was the best decision I could have made!

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