My Christmas Heartache 

I’m sitting in my living room, looking at my Christmas tree and listening to my kids playing together. All of the happiness surrounding me, and and I’m doing every thing I can to hold back the sobs. This will be the first Christmas we have without my mom. I finally understand what it feels like to my friends who have lost parents.

My mom is always the first person at my house Christmas morning to have breakfast with us and to open presents. I can’t remember the last time she wasn’t here with us. In fact, I don’t think there ever has been a time I haven’t spent my Christmas with her, even before I got married and had a family. 

I am lucky though, my mom hasn’t passed away. She is, however, in the hospital on a ventilator and sedated. She won’t be awake Christmas Day. I will go to see her after all the presents have been opened and we’ve had breakfast as a family. But she won’t know I was there or remember it when she wakes up. I’m glad that I will have that opportunity. So many of my friends have lost parents and don’t have these moments anymore. I won’t lie and say I’m not devastated. 

But for now, I put on my ‘mommy pants’ and pull it together for my kids. I smile and laugh and cherish this time with them while on the inside I’m breaking. My heart will not be whole again until I hear her voice and watch her play with her grandchildren. On that day, my heart will heal and my tears will be happy instead of sad. 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑

A Glimpse Through The Looking Glass Of My Life

A Lovely Living

A Glimpse Through The Looking Glass Of My Life

The Unreal Life

A Glimpse Through The Looking Glass Of My Life

The Daily Tay

A Glimpse Through The Looking Glass Of My Life

Pursuit of Pink

A Glimpse Through The Looking Glass Of My Life

Organizing Made Fun

A Glimpse Through The Looking Glass Of My Life

Mixed-Up Mayhem

A Glimpse Through The Looking Glass Of My Life

Going Big and Going Home

My Journey to the Evergreen State

Polish the Stars

A Glimpse Through The Looking Glass Of My Life

Mr. & Mrs. Cagle

A Glimpse Through The Looking Glass Of My Life

shikshin

A Glimpse Through The Looking Glass Of My Life

Lauren Loves

A Glimpse Through The Looking Glass Of My Life

The Small Things Blog

A Glimpse Through The Looking Glass Of My Life

%d bloggers like this: