When you are a child, people always ask, what do you want to be when you grow up? But maybe they should be asking who you want to be instead.
So who am I?
I am my husband’s wife. I am my children’s mother. I am my mother’s daughter. I am their friend. I am my boss’ assistant. I am the girl who has no idea who she is for herself. It seems my existence in life is defined by the people in my life. I don’t know who I am outside of what I am to others.
Who do I want to be?
I want to be the happy girl I pretend to be in front of others. I want to be the girl who knows what passion in life is. I want to be the girl with a career that makes her feel fulfilled. I want to be the girl who can stand strong on her own two feet. I want to be the girl who wakes up every day feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day. I want to be the girl who isn’t afraid that she will never find out who she wants to be.
The only thing I know is who I don’t want to be.
I don’t want to be the girl that cries in pain when no one is looking. I don’t want to be the girl that hides in plain site. I don’t want to be the girl who relies on medication to make her feel normal. I don’t want to be the girl who is depressed. I don’t want to be a disappointment to my children. I don’t want to be a failure to my husband. I don’t want to be the friend who cancels plans because she can’t bring herself to leave her house. I don’t want to be the girl who relies on who she is to others to know who she is. I don’t want to be the girl who wishes she wouldn’t wake up in the morning.
So, who am I?